Brian Scalabrine AKA Veal Scalabrine AKA The White Mamba Mix Tape

As a Nets fan - nay, as a basketball fan - it's hard not to love Brian Scalabrine. He's the archetype for bench fan favorite: an un-atheltic white dude who knows he is an un-athletic white dude and revels in it. Embracing his benchwarmer role with the appropriate level of  jocularity, Scals earned the lovable "White Mamba" nickname during his time in Chicago. This love-ability carried over into his brief career as a TV analyst for the Celtics on Comcast Sports New England, where he took on fans in a one-on-one tournament known as "The Scallenge."

Needless to say, the newest member of the Golden State Warriors coaching staff didn't have an illustrious statistical career as a player, amassing a per game line of 3.1 points, 2.0 boards and 0.8 assists in 520 games with the Nets, Celtics and Bulls. He did, however, make four finals appearances in 11 years and won an NBA title on the Celtics in 2008 - despite not gracing the hardwood in the playoffs for a single minute - with newly minted Nets Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett.

But lack of career highlights has not stopped the interwebs from making NBA highlight mixes for marginal NBA players before. And so we have this Scalabrine mix set to Geto Boys "G-Code" from Youtube user NYxxTyler, whose 56 posts include gems such as "Teaching Mothafuckas How To Dougie" and Tyler rocking out on his Guitar Hero axe to Living Colour's 1988 hit "Cult of Personality". Shout out to Tyler for wearing a Brooklyn shirt in the video. Shame on Tyler for taking off said BK shirt to reveal a hue of skin that challenges Scal's paleness (The real Scallenge?).

As a Brooklyn Nets fan I'm downright ecstatic at the New Jersey  Nets highlights in this mix.  No, there are no shining moments from Scal's glory days with the Jason Kidd Nets from 2001-2005. But of the 18 highlights in the clip (12 with Chicago, 6 with Boston) five of them come against the New Jersey "empty"  Nets (as iconic WFAN announcer Steve "The Smooze" Somers calls them). 

The mix opens with a clip from a Bulls/Nets game from 2011-12. Then Bulls point guard C.J. Watson finds an open Scalabrine under the rim thanks to a Nets defensive breakdown (shocker!). Kris Humphries rotates to deny the White Mamba, but Scalabrine uses an up-and-under evasion technique, popular throughout the mix tape, to put in the layup. The other four Nets on the floor at that time? Shawne Williams, Deshawn Stevenson, Anthony Morrow and Jordan Farmar. None of them will be on the 2013-14 Brooklyn Nets. Praise Yeezus. 

Actually all four of the Nets/Bulls clips are from the same game from January 2012 in Chi Town, a 110-95 Nets loss, one of 44 in the strike shortened 66 game finale  in Jersey. Other White Mamba attacks include an assist off a baseline drive that inexplicably drew three Nets defenders (Shawne and Shelden Williams, Farmar) and left Carlos boozer open for a layup, as well as Scal taking Mehmet Okur to the hole. This was the second to last game with the Nets (and in the NBA) for the Big Turk, who would end up only playing 17 games with Jersey before being traded to and waived by the Trailblazers as part of the Gerald Wallace trade that brought Crash to the Nets. 

Veal Scalabrine absolutely killed it against the Nets that night, finishing with a Springfield worthy five points, four assists and three rebounds, all season highs. In two seasons with the Bulls, the ginger haired assassin scored 52 points in 46 games. 

Other highlights of the video include:

-0:23 Scalabrine hits a catch and shoot on an in-bounds in the final minute of the fourth quarter!...in a 103-77 game.

-Scal pump fakes Nazr Muhhamed out of his sneakers, avoids a half hearted swipe from Matt Carrol and drives to the rim for a thunderous two-handed slam. 

-0:40 Scalabrine hits an open jumper!

-1:08 The White Mamba expertly deflects a pass off his knee on the defensive end as the ball rolls into the frontcourt. Scalabrine gains control and goes up for an explosive layup, only to have his efforts thwarted by Gerald Henderson. But wait! Scals goes around Henderson's back to find Two-and-a-Half-Men stunt double Kyle Korver for the lay in.

1:45 Continuing the white-on-white Bulls highlights, Scalabrine from the top of the circle hits Omir Asik under the basket for a slam with the Bulls comfortably on top of the Suns by 20+ with three minutes remaining in the game.

1:55 In the final minute of another Bulls blowout against the Pistons, John Lucas III  hits a streaking Scalabrine for the deep touchdown pass and Scal subsequently hits a hop-and-fadeaway from the block. The crowd erupts with jubilation because Rudy.

-2:22 Scal pump fakes Taj Gibson in the corner and drives to the hoop where he is met by defensive stalwart Joakim Noah. Instead of going to the up-and-under move, Scalabrine makes contact and powers through for the hoop in sartorial splendor with knee-high socks.

-2:45 Scal goes to the bench after his epic 0:51 second stint in game 7 of the NBA Finals, looking for a high five from then Boston assistant (and current Chicago Bulls coach) Tom Thibodeau, only to be ignored.

-2:47- Scalabrine hits an open jumper!...in the playoffs!

Then there's the music. The track, "G-Code", is from longtime rap group Geto Boys off their eight studio album The Foundation. Certainly Scalabrine, who grew up in 92% white Enumclaw, Washington, can relate to a song about the travails of inner-city African American life in Houston. And there is no doubt that Tyler, our Dougie dancing didactic video maven, appreciates the irony of choosing a song for Scalabrine that has the lyrics "Redneck, racist motherfuckers, man."

And if this video of "highlights" from the waning years of Scalabrine's playing days doesn't do it for you, you can always turn to the NBA's official "The Ultimate Scalabrine Highlight Video" or A basketball Jones' Scalabrine "Not Top10 Highlights Mix." And, of course, there's always more ...fan...mixes.